SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hiya!

I’m curious if anyone here is familiar with Jennie Young’s Burn The Haystack method. I follow her on social media, so I already have a pretty solid sense of how to implement it. Even though I’m not on the dating apps yet (and honestly… maybe not ever 🫣😂), I’ve started noticing the patterns in my everyday life. It’s been eye‑opening. I’ve either quietly distanced myself from certain people or at least gained clarity about the kind of person I’m dealing with.

It is a ruthless system for finding a healthy, well adjusted partner and I’m absolutely here for it. I’m not really actively dating, but every now and then a friend or my cousin will pop up with, "FL, I have the perfect guy for you!" So for the first time, I let my cousin set me up on a blind date.

We talked a few days beforehand to set things up, and the conversations were actually good. Promising, even.

And then… the date didn’t go so well. I was stood up 🫪

Which was fine! I looked cute as hell, the weather was perfect, the venue was great, I stayed and  enjoyed myself anyway. I sent a "Hey, I’m here" text about 20 minutes in giving him the chance to say something like "Ugh, traffic." But at 45 minutes with no response? Blocked.

My cousin thought that was harsh and tried the whole "something probably came up, give him another chance" routine. Listen, Linda… I’m pushing 40. I don’t have the patience for the nonsense I tolerated at 20. I expect a basic level of respect and reliability, especially if/since I’m still hoping for a meaningful, loving, healthy relationship. A no call, no show ain't it.

And honestly, if I hadn’t found the BTH method, I probably would have made excuses for him. I might’ve given him the benefit of the doubt, or worse, who knows how many chances.

Jennie’s book recently came out and my local library finally has it. I’m waiting my turn, but in the meantime… has anyone read it yet? Did you like it? And compared to what’s already out there about the method, did you find the book added anything new or valuable?

I also follow Jennie and got her book. I use the approach with *nearly *everyone** these days. No more time wasted with people who have shown me who they are. I now believe them the first time.

As for dating, I’m looking but not yet dating— but I will use this approach. Reading the profiles I can see on OLD, clearly there will be a lot of burning going on over here.

The book is good because it goes into a lot of details on the rhetoric so you can start recognizing the patterns, and it has lots of examples.
And Jennie’s humor.

Reading the profiles I can see on OLD, clearly there will be a lot of burning going on over here.

turning us into straight arsonist 🤣🤣

I use the approach with *nearly *everyone** these days. No more time wasted with people who have shown me who they are. I now believe them the first time.

This part! It's not what I expected when I hit "follow".

The book is good because it goes into a lot of details on the rhetoric

That is what I was hoping for. I need the deets in full.

Yay! I can't wait to read it.

You were left hanging when waiting for a date?

Disrespectful.
Things happen life happens, respect says you are going to inform someone who is waiting for you.

I admit I don’t know about authors and coaches and such, because it seems just obvious and natural to me that the water is wet but:

I dated sometime in the past and it happened someone was late. If it was me it was usually minutes and cared for texting a "getting there in x " if that was the case. Otherwise I simply showed up as agreed, no need to text.

If my date was late I waited 10 minutes then left. Never texted never asked.
If you get asked later why you weren’t is simple. I don’t wait more than 10 minutes for anyone.

There’s no "fashion late" there’s respect or lack of it.

Happened rarely and sometime I allowed a second chance. No matter what "she" was my date, on the second test she’ll be 20 minutes earlier and confirming.

Those who don’t respect your time aren’t worth your time.
You can use those precious heartbeats far better

Incredibly disrespectful, which is why I blocked him. I don't feel bad about it either, which is also new for me (thanks to her and Heide, which is another gem I follow).

I admit I don’t know about authors and coaches and such, because it seems just obvious and natural to me that the water is wet

True, and honestly, same, until I came across Jennie. I didn't know I needed this information in my life. It's a wild landscape out there, and it's nice to have a compass. There are some obvious things she teaches that I instinctively know, but there are patterns and rhetoric she exposes that would have taken me years to pin down.