Theevent (original poster member #85259) posted at 1:35 AM on Saturday, June 27th, 2026
Every once in a while I catch my wife telling little white lies. I don't like it but for the most part I've been ignoring them. Usually because they are so small.
Today she told one that im not sure falls into the realm of white lies any longer.
She was recording a podcast with someone who was interviewing her about her profession. She told them that she had been in this profession for ten years, and had a specific specialty for 3 years.
Often she will fudge these amounts of time a little because one can define "begin" in different ways, and it was small differences.
But in this case it was a flat out lie. She has only been in this profession for 5 years max, and had this specialty for barely two of those five.
Now there is no legal requirement for her to be honest about these times, but it is a red flag for me that she lied this much this time.
Im trying to decide if its worth saying something, or if I should just let it go and observe her.
Me - BH, age 42
Her - WW, age 40
EA 1/2023, PA 7/2023 - 6/2024
D-day 4/2024 (Married 18 years at that time)
foreverlabeled ( member #52070) posted at 2:03 AM on Saturday, June 27th, 2026
I can understand why this hit you the way it did. For a lot of us who’ve done the work, the "little" lies were never actually little, they were symptoms of a deeper pattern. And when you’ve lived through betrayal, even a small distortion of the truth can make the alarm bells go off. It’s not about the years she claimed. It’s about what it signals.
From my own experience, the shift didn’t happen until I stopped making exceptions for myself. No white lies, no rounding up, no close enough. I had to treat every distortion as information about where I still wasn’t aligned. That’s why I hear your concern here. It’s not the resume detail, It’s the mismatch between her words and her actions, and that’s what you’re reacting to.
Whether you bring it up or observe for a bit depends on what you’re trying to understand. If you’re looking for a pattern, watching can tell you a lot (seems like you're already seeing the pattern). If you’re looking for clarity, a direct conversation can do that too (this would be my choice). What matters is that you don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it’s nothing. It’s something, maybe small, maybe not, but still something.
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 2:08 AM on Saturday, June 27th, 2026
...it is a red flag for me...
I'm sure it is. You can always ask her why she does it? No need to accuse or chastise. "Honey, I'm curious. Why lie about that?"
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
