Is it possible and emotional affair was just friends who got along and had no sexual chemistry/tension/attraction when both are

Really struggling with my husband's long term emotional affair with his married coworker that he swears there was no romantic feelings for, so sexual tension with etc, only that they got too close and too attached and spent a lot of time discussing their families, laughing, her daughter troubles, his pride of his adult child (a professional) from his first marriage, his grandkids, etc and it was all innocent EVEN though he knew I was suspicious and he often treated me cooly and with contempt and condescension during this time?

I am ready to throw in the towel and blow up my own life over this because he refuses to discuss it and swears it was innocent. But mainly for the damage it did to my self esteem and my l life and something I never recovered from. These two "friends" went to events outside of the office together that were NOT work related on a few occasions and I was not aware of this and I was also not aware of how close
"friends" they were. He kept secrets. Do married people let "Just friends" come before their marriages and put "Just friends" over their spouses?

We were having sex during this time. Good sex, I thought.

I had my suspicions of him and her, but when I asked him all I got was stone walling and "we are just friends". After several months he stopped mentioning her name but their "friendship" continue to flourish, I was just kept int the dark. My gut KNEW he was involved with someone and when I would try to address my concerns he blew me off by basically denying it then getting mean to me. Gave me zero reassurance and knew that I was stressed over it

IS IF POSSIBLE he is telling the truth? NO sexual attraction, wasn't looking for romance, even though, he admits she was attractive, he thought she was cute, smart and physically fit, same as him?

Thank you.
I am drowning in bitterness, resentment and regretting ever meeting him.
I feel like I am still being gaslit and he is asking me to believe what for me is not believable.

This has hurt my life, my health, my esteem, the way I view people and so much more.

I trust no one now and I am not happy. And I am OLD. 70 and feel like it is too late to start over so I am forced to suck it up and accept that I will wake up thinking of this and having this shit on my mind throughout most days. It seems unresolvable and I HATE being in this position.

I was seeing a counselor when all this was happening! And she too gaslit me and thought the problem was MY anxiety all the while he had attached himself to someone else and emotionally abandoned me.
Now he wants a great life with me but to me he is NOT a safe partner, and while I do love him and and am bonded to him (almost 40 years together), I have a wall up and I don't feel the same.

I apologize for typos.

10 comments posted: Wednesday, July 23rd, 2025

Husband had emotional affair with married coworker years ago. I suspected but only recently has he admitted it.

He claims he had no romantic feelings, physical desires, no crush, no limerence, just emotional closeness, even though she is attractive and a few years younger.

Is that possible?
I don't think so but he swears he never had romantic feelings or thought about wanting to be physical with her.
They laughed a lot, spent time alone, got to know each other well and were close, he went out of his way to spend time her at work, enough that he got "too attached", admits it was an emotional affair but is sticking to his story he wanted nothing more from her.
I'm really having a hard time believing this is possible.

BTW, I was suspicious and told him so and tried to connect with him about my fears with him and her but he stonewalled me and told me they were just friends and was secretive about how much time he spent getting to know her, and kept the depth of the friendship from me.
It caused me a lot of trauma and it has changed me and affected how I have felt in the marriage ever since. Not safe and not valued, even though years later he started treating me decent again.

It went on for 18 months.
Feed back appreciated.
Jaded Lady

10 comments posted: Wednesday, July 2nd, 2025