Should I contact AP?

Married since 2003 and dated since 1995. We have a good marriage, pets , children, home, jobs, etc

A few years ago we got in a fight and words started flying. Eventually I said something about a time when she kissed a guy when we dated. Things got heated even more and started asking her and accusing her of doing more things behind my back when we dated.

She got defensive and something told me she was hiding something. I let it go but it kept nagging at me so I asked her a few days later. She got defensive again and told me never to ask her stupid questions again like that.

Something felt off so I got to snipping around and found out some things.

When we dated she slept with at least 2-3 other guys multiple times and also oral to at least another guy or two.

Been to marriage counseling and individual.

She won’t tell me any details but what bothers me is the last guy I know she had a sexual relationship with her compared himself to a pornstar. Not sure what he meant by that. I asked her what he could possibly mean and she said to take it up with him.

So how do I confront him.

6 comments posted: Wednesday, August 12th, 2026

How to get unsolicited reassurance?

So I’ve been feeling like crap for over two years. My self esteem is down. I feel u attractive and sexually inadequate.
I’ve told my wife that I need frequent reassurance and she has step it up a little bit but it’s just not frequent enough and not as strong of a reassurance as I would like.

I’m not sure what to do. If I tell her what to say or how often, it’s won’t work since I had to tell her.

It’s frustrating because it really doesn’t take a hole lot of effort from her. She just needs to say it more frequently and say things that would help me.

Even actions would work.

Like displays of public affection
Intimate sex
Keep her distance from other men
Stop smiling back at men
Tell me things that are truthful about my looks and body

5 comments posted: Wednesday, August 12th, 2026