SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am a sahm to young kids and currently pregnant. I was so happy with my life before finding out about the betrayal.

I thought I would have my mom’s and brother’s emotional support, but I don’t. My brother told me to stay (because money) and my mom is firmly on the side of reconciliation.

My husband since 2020 has been having sex with prostitutes, hook ups, and had one fwb (14 people to my knowledge). He had an std he managed to treat without me knowing and now is worried about some symptoms he’s been experiencing. The thought of my babies’ lives being in danger makes me angry and sad he didn’t think about it once.

My mom knows all about this. Yet she’s very insistent I am meant to reconcile. She acts like there is no cheating. Since finding out she has yelled at me to respect my husband, has called me a whore for having sexual partners BEFORE marriage, has told me I will not find someone else, has called me ungrateful, has said she wishes I had no friends, and more.

What has she said and done to my dear husband? Encouraged him, told him to fight for our marriage (which he hasn’t even done anything), treats him warmly by giving him food and drinks, asks him how’s he doing, if he’s eating.

I feel so alone. I have no one to talk to. And the one friend who is sympathetic cannot relate. I do not have the finances to leave. I really, really wish I could’ve left the day I found out.

Instead I am stuck living with the one person who caused me a lot of emotional damage. Having to pretend I am okay and wanting to reconcile. Someone that expects me to continue having sex with him (after getting tested and treated), to live our lives like nothing happened. He tells my mom how I am behaving, if I leave the house.

I am prisoner in my own house. I am screaming on the inside. I don’t know when this nightmare will end

If you can’t leave the house because he won’t let you then call the police. Find out if there is a woman’s shelter near by. Ignore your mother. This is not her marriage.

Your h sounds like he has a sex addiction and needs professional help.

I think you need to see a medical doctor and get yourself a professional counselor for you - not the marriage. Not marriage counseling - it is too soon.

In the Healing Library here at SI you can find articles and info about infidelity, what happens after Dday (discovery day) and a whole host of other helpful stuff.

I’m sorry your life has been by infidelity - especially while pregnant.

I think you need to contact a womens’ shelter. This sounds abusive, and absolutely unhealthy for you and your kids.

Please reach out to one- there may be help out there. And think about how you can start getting your ducks together to one day leave, even if it takes a while. Don’t give up.

Welcome to SI and I'm sorry that you're facing infidelity while being pregnant. Please go get tested for STDs/STIs. They will need to be treated before you give birth. He didn't just risk your babies' safety, he has also put your health at risk.

If you can, IC (individual counseling) with a trauma-informed therapist can be helpful. Your WH (wayward husband) needs treatment, too. Your mom is something else. She sounds toxic. Also, check your state laws about people who know they have an STD & knowingly have sex with somebody else.

There are some posts pinned to the top of the forum that we encourage new members to read. There are some posts that aren't pinned that you can find by looking for the bull's eye icon that are very helpful, too. The Healing Library is at the top of the site and has tons of resources. There are threads in the ICR (I Can Relate) forum that you may find helpful.

Go see a divorce lawyer (or several). There are some that will do a free consultation. You would get an idea of what D (divorce) would mean for you. It doesn't mean that you need to divorce, but it will give you knowledge.

Your WH needs to read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald. It sounds like he doesn't want to work on the M (marriage) and wants to treat everything like normal.

So sorry that this is part of the story of your life now.

Fear can paralyze, and I think right now you might feel the fear of having no options.

Well... You do have options.
Only keep in mind that it’s a bit like having to chose between what might sound like bad options, sort of like deciding if you are going to jump out a window to escape the flames and probably break a leg, or run through the flames down the stairs, probably getting smoke-poisoning and burns if you manage it. Neither option so great, but both better than being killed in the flames.

You need to find the courage to take the first steps in discovering your options...

I want to second and third the suggestion of a domestic abuse resource.
We tend to vision these as homes for battered women, where they get protection from their abusive husbands. That tends to be the last resort. They also offer services like social workers that can guide you on, access to legal resources, action-plans, even volunteers that might come and hold your hand through the road ahead.

I suggest you contact one of these resources, share your story and get guidance on what you can get. Maybe once your husband realizes the seriousness of the situation, he might become a candidate on true reconciliation. Maybe not.

About your mom and brother... They are both totally wrong... I am a calm non-violent person, but if you were my sister, your husband would have a hard time getting between him and you. That they fail in their role as family is more on them than you.

You don't deserve this. This is not your fault, and I'm sorry, but your mother sounds awful. Don't listen to her. I'm not in any position to give advice, but I think what's been given so far is sound. I just wanted to offer some sort of support and let you know that there are many people who think what you're going through isn't right. Not at all. So sorry you're going through this. There is such a thing as cheating, you're not a whore, and you are not obligated to respect someone who doesn't appear to be respecting you, tho it may be in your best interest to play along for now until you get some firmer footing and have a solid exit plan.

I truly am wishing the best for you. So sorry you're having to deal with this. I know now how hard it is to deal with infidelity. Hang in there.