Hunter
What is their work-relationship?
Same building, same department, is he her boss or coworker...
It’s not clear when and how this affair started. You had suspicions six years ago, but found no concrete evidence. Keep in mind that the level of evidence only needs to convince YOU. I went through your older posts and I think I too would have reached the same conclusion as you did six years ago. But with the evidence you have now, I suspect this affair might have been starting (maybe not consummated) back then, and might have been going on for some years. But... that’s just backed by intuition and no real evidence.
You a LEO? Well... it’s like if you are patrolling an affluent neighborhood late at night and meet a tradesman van. You would probably note the logo or number, even more so if there has been some crime or burglaries in that area recently. After all – what is Joe’s Plumbing doing there at 4 AM? Not enough to stop the van, but enough so that if a burglary is reported next morning, you go check with Joe...
I think it’s highly unlikely that an affair that has been going on for this time, and is so blatant in it’s sexting, will end just like that. I also find it highly unlikely that she would find it enough to offer one-sided sexual gratification. This is not four of five rounds in his car during lunch...
I can guestimate the present situation:
You call out her affair. She promises change and that the affair is over. The first opportunity she gets they communicate. They decide to lay low. The OM first, second and third priority is that his wife doesn’t learn about this. If he is her supervisor or superior at work, his next priority is to minimize damage at work. Your WW first priority is to prevent divorce (note – not to save her marriage, but to prevent divorce). Her second priority is to save face, and her third is to protect OM.
So when they decide to lay low, it’s basically a commitment that the affair (as a physical one) is over.
That commitment – it’s like she wakes up with a terrible hangover and decides never to drink again. Might avoid the Chablis all week, and maybe not have a gin-and-tonic next weekend. But eventually she might be sharing her story of the hangover with her best friend while downing her second cocktail.
There is an off chance the affair is over. There is a greater chance that once they feel safe, it resumes. Might be dormant for a week, a month, maybe half a year... But odds are higher that it resumes that it being over. Probably when they have the chance he might ask if things are OK at home, and then they start talking...
What can be done to lower those odds?
a)Change of jobs.
b)A strict leash on OM – for example if he is superior to her at work then his boss will give him a stern warning about having affairs with staff (or even fire him).
c)Let all stakeholders know. If his wife is monitoring him too he will be more reluctant to restart the affair.
d)Controlled and strategic exposure. The more the correct people know, the less opportunity she has to cheat.
Of course, if you decide to divorce your strategy might be different. Then you want her to keep her job (for income) and might use the fear of exposure to get her to accept an uncontested divorce.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
