SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Chaos - what my life became after DDay combined with a cool ass scientific theory that was kind of apt all things considered.

I was going to give it a prefix or suffix but decided Chaos sounded pretty bad ass despite the fact that the chaotic status of my life was anything but.

Got a peek behind that curtain. Nothing is what I thought it was!

Great post, I have wondered about so many user name origins.

Mine is mostly self explanatory. I was a year into the labyrinth, still uncovering lies, still figuring out what my life was, false reconciling over a long ago, brief A that turned out to be current and very long term. The Foreigner song, I Want To Know What Love Is kept popping into my head, and when I found this site, almost a year into the madness, I was very much questioning what love is, how any of what he felt for me could be love, and how I could love him through all the lies and betrayal. I barely gave my username a moment of thought.

I still don’t know what love is anymore, I just know it isn’t what I thought it was, not by a long shot. I know what I means to me and how carefully I have nurtured my love for others, especially when it was complicated and not reciprocal. I believe that if it weren’t for my kids and my dogs, I might not have a clue how love works or what it means or what it is. My kids and my pups help me feel loved, and I am working through what it means for me to still love my WH, and watching that love shift and change in me with time. I’m not sure what I’ll end up with, but I guess my user name implies that I will keep trying to understand. I truly want to understand, but I’m not sure I am going to get my answers in this lifetime. If I had to pick a username now, it would probably be something edgy like royallypissed or slowburn, because it took me a while to find my anger and indignation.

It didn't take me long after Dday to realize that my cheating wife was nothing special. Just the same old story of adultery. So, I also sealized that I was just some guy whose wife cheated on him...

the song Barely Breathing by Duncan Sheik kept running through my head as a struggled to breathe after DDAY. And I like bears. And word play. 🐻
That song still speaks to me.

Some weeks after d-day, I looked for some support from people on the web. I found a forum that I joined. Since I wanted to get out of pain as quickly as possible, I used 'soon' as my ID. The forum had a lot of activity but was very anti-R. A WS showed up, and she was told to go to SI, because SI thought WSes were actual human beings. That matched my own approach, so I made myself 'SI's soon' - sisoon.

I was so concerned with anonymity that I created a special email address for myself, one that shared no letters from my IRL name. I was very much afraid that I might be ridiculed because my W cheated with a woman, but I got support.