SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My son lives in a town about an hour away. A few months back he got his second DUI. He went to rehab. He stopped drinking briefly. He is not on his mental health medication.

Several nights ago he called me and he and the girl that he is living with had a huge fight and he said he wanted to come home. He had been drinking… I’m not sure how much. My nephew drove to pick him up and take him to his house for the night. By 6 AM, he had talked to his girlfriend into coming to get him. She came to get him and took him back to her house.

Tonight, I got a phone call from the girlfriend that says that he has been drinking, is tearing up their house, and he hast to go. Then the mother calls me and says the same thing. That he has broken out windows and doors.

Then I get a call from him. But he won’t answer the phone when I say his name. He is just screaming back-and-forth with his girlfriend. The mother is calling me. Explained to the mother that there was nothing I could do. That I have my granddaughter with me for the next five days, and that I can’t have her be a part of all of this. I explained to her that the last time they fought, that her daughter went back to get him and bring him back into that home. And that he’s 30 years old and I can’t control him.

For an hour or more I’m just pacing in my room and then I hear my son in the hallway. My oldest son. He tells me that he got a phone call from my son involved in this mess. But he was very very calm and he told him that he did not know what to do, but that he was walking up and down the street, waiting for the right car to come by so he could jump out in front of it. He fully intended to kill himself. My oldest son tried to talk to him, but the other son hung up and disconnected his phone.

After trying to figure out what to do, my son called the police in the small town, where he lives, and told them what was happening. Explained what my son had said about killing himself. They took our name and number and said they would notify us "which ever way it went".

My oldest son told me that he was headed out to go drive up and down the streets of that town where he was living, but that he didn’t know where to go. I told him that I would go, but I have no idea about the town or where to look. We are worried that the police weren’t taking it seriously.

He came in my room just now and said that the police called and they had found him, and that they wanted my son to come and get him right away. I don’t know if that means that they are not going to arrest him for the damage he did to the girlfriend’s mother’s home.

So, my son has left to go and pick him up. My granddaughter was sleeping 50 feet away from me in her room. I have a rule that no one in my family… None of my children are allowed to come to my home under the influence or have anything to drink or any substance to take on my property. But my oldest has gone to pick him up.

He needs to be on mental health medication. He has had two or three… I think it’s three admissions to a psych facility in our town where they observe, and then release him after a weeks time.

I am telling my oldest son to try his best to get him to go to that psych facility tonight.

My oldest son has to go to work in about four hours. His daughter is here and will have to go through whatever my other son decides to do or however, he decides to act if he comes here.

I thank God he didn’t kill himself. I can’t bury someone else at all, much less so soon.

I don’t know how I’m going to protect my granddaughter. I don’t know how to help my son. He abhors me. I’m afraid being around me is going to make him angrier and more volatile.

I know that y’all can’t help me with any of this. Except maybe to make suggestions about how to handle the situation from this point forward.

I pray, my oldest can talk him into going to the psych unit for the evening.

I really am turning so very hard to live a life that matters after my husband‘s death. My oldest son and I are "roommates" now, as he lives here with me. And we have the best relationship we have ever had. My youngest son has served his time jail, but they won’t release him for reasons they don’t share. And now this with my middle child.

I don’t know how to help him or protect him. I don’t know how to choose between him and my granddaughter. I’m just really a terrible awful mess right now.

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I’ve called the police in my town and explained to them the situation. They have said that if I will let them know when they are almost back to my house, they will send an officer out due to suicidal ideation.

I have no idea if my son will agree to go with them. I don’t even know if he will admit to what he was thinking. My oldest son does have proof on his phone, where his brother texted to him about trying to jump out in front of the traffic. I think that the person in question has to admit that they have had suicidal thoughts before the police can take them for an involuntary admission.

As if he didn’t already hate me enough. But if I have to choose between having hopes of a good relationship with him, or saving his life, the choice is obvious. Hopefully, he will have a long, long life after I’m gone, and will hopefully be able to make the best of it.

While I have no suggestions for you unfortunately, I didn’t want to leave here without telling you I hope everything turns out as best it can. I hope your older son will take him in for evaluation. 🙏

Oh no - So sorry for this awful situation.

I have a rule that no one in my family… None of my children are allowed to come to my home under the influence or have anything to drink or any substance to take on my property.

This is your boundary - PERIOD. He needs to go somewhere else. His choice, psych eval or jail or whereever.

You have your granddaughter there. Do not risk her being exposed to this for one nanosecond.

just sending support from afar.. no advice. So sorry you are dealing with all this. My uninformed opinion is you must protect the child. Your son is a grown man and needs to get help for himself. This is really hard. ((Hugs))

Thinking of you, WR.

I pray this is resolved quickly.

So sorry for you. Keep the faith.

Thank you for the replies.

The police came to my home, and after I told them about the situation, they asked my older son to bring my other son to the hospital so that they could have him admitted into the emergency psych unit. Hoping that he would be referred to the facility in town that takes in patients for a 72 hour to one week evaluation.

My son said it went well. That there was no confrontation with that, and my other son went cooperatively with the police. I was so relieved that he was going to be in good care, and then I would have a few days to plan for what was to come.

The next morning at about 730 he called me. I was in the other room and didn’t get his call for about 30 minutes. By the time I called back, he said to just forget it… That he was walking home from the hospital, but now he was over halfway home so he would just continue to walk. I asked if he was not going to go to the psych facility for a few days, and he said no and hung up.

Since that time, he has spent a couple of days to himself. He has not left the house to get anything to drink or smoke, but I think that may be because he doesn’t have any money.

Today he was in much better spirits, because he got the interlock in his car and a temporary restricted license. He hopes to go to court in mid August, and to receive perhaps a lighter amount of time in jail, due to having gone through all of the steps in advance that are expected of him with a second DUI charge.

He spoke at one point about getting his "stuff" from the girlfriend’s home. I asked him what plans he had for that to happen. He said that they had discussed that she would leave the house during the time he was going to be there so that they wouldn’t have to be with each other. I certainly do hope that is what happens, but I’m not terribly optimistic.

As we were driving home from him getting his restricted license, I talked to him very briefly about how this talk / thoughts about jumping out in front of cars, etc., really needed to stop. I told him that our family could not stand to have to bury anyone else so soon after his father‘s death. He told me that he had had a long conversation with himself about that, and that he believed the same thing, that talk of that kind was unacceptable. He is sober right now and the next time he gets drunk/high. I’m guessing there’s a good chance all of that more levelheaded thinking will go out the window.

Anyway, I guess I just have to hold my breath one day at a time and pray that no matter when it is, the next person to die in this family will be me. That is how the order of things should be. Losing my husband has been a constant struggle. I can’t even fathom what people go through when they lose a child.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Losing your husband is already an enormous grief, and now having to worry about your son’s drinking and suicidal threats must feel incredibly heavy. Your fear is completely valid — especially when you’ve already experienced such deep loss.

You’re doing your best in an impossible situation. Please make sure you’re taking care of yourself where you can — even small moments of rest or support can matter.

Sending you strength and compassion.

((((Hugs))))