petecarparts (original poster member #87404) posted at 9:59 PM on Friday, July 24th, 2026
Thank you.
I'll keep my "trust" but verify method going, and watch what's happening here. She's showing me things along the way this week that seems like things are moving in the right direction, but again...we'll see what's happening.
petecarparts (original poster member #87404) posted at 1:57 PM on Thursday, July 30th, 2026
Just wanted to share an update here:
She's still coming home after work, we've spent good time together the last week and she's coming with me to Milwaukee tomorrow for a show I'm playing. (the music I make is dark ambient essentially and the shows aren't for everyone, but she said she wants to be more supportive of my music since I travelled with her for her small business at expos and conventions when she's not working at the brewery) We're going to enjoy a day in Milwaukee the day after too.
Letmebefrank ( member #86994) posted at 3:38 PM on Thursday, July 30th, 2026
Nice, Pete, knock ‘em dead!
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 4:20 PM on Thursday, July 30th, 2026
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 4:40 PM on Friday, July 31st, 2026
I’ll be the little angel on your shoulder to remind you the question isn’t if you can have a good day with her. The question is if you can accept that she had a boyfriend, is he really out of the picture and if she’s no longer the woman who would fall on a sword before ever betraying you again.
Not trying to be the turd in the punch bowl :)
petecarparts (original poster member #87404) posted at 6:36 PM on Friday, July 31st, 2026
I appreciate you and your reminder. Quite a vivid image that being the turd and the Punchbowl!
😂
And I know, I’ve thought about that long and hard the last 2 1/2 months now and it does seem like she’s making the effort and it does seem like things can get better from here. I know I still will probably think about what happened and think about how much I can trust her at times but right now I am feeling at least encouraged and hopeful for our relationship.
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 11:54 AM on Monday, August 10th, 2026
Glad the show went well and genuinely glad she's showing up. I mean that.
Since you tolerated the turd in the punch bowl last time, let me offer one more distinction that took a lot of us here years to learn: there's a difference between her being NICE and her doing the WORK. Everything you listed - coming home on time, the Milwaukee trip, supporting your music - is niceness. It's real, it counts, and it's also the easy part. Any wayward can be pleasant for a few months, especially when they're relieved they didn't lose everything.
The work is the uncomfortable stuff that only a genuinely changed person volunteers for:
- Has she given you the full story, or are you still working off the version from D-day?
- Is no contact verified, or assumed? If the BF is anywhere in her orbit (work, mutual friends, socials), assumed isn't enough.
- Is she in counseling digging into WHY she gave herself permission? "It just happened" is not a why, and a wayward who doesn't know her why can't promise it won't happen again - she doesn't know what to guard against.
- Can you bring up the affair and get patience instead of "why are we still talking about this?"
If the answer to those is yes, then what you're seeing is probably the real deal and I'll happily retire the punch bowl imagery. If the answers are "not really, but things are good so I don't want to rock the boat" - that's rug-sweeping, and rug-swept affairs have a way of coming back up in year two or three, uglier.
You don't have to interrogate her tonight. Just don't let the good days convince you the questions no longer matter. Trust but verify means the verify part keeps going even when trusting feels good.
Rooting for you both.
petecarparts (original poster member #87404) posted at 6:12 PM on Tuesday, August 11th, 2026
Thank you Sharkman,
She is indeed doing nice things, but also has shown a sense of vulnerability that’s been new and pleasantly surprising. She still does sound a bit upset when I’ve brought up things, but she said she feels guilty and feels horrible for what she did. From what she’s shown me and from what I can tell no contact is indeed no contact. I’ve not seen or heard hide nor hair of him.
She’s working on finding a new therapist as the first counselor was quite coarse in their "care" and is making use of the therapy service I get through my job. For now, we’ll keep watch and be observant, but I’ll remain hopeful.
She knows that if there’s anything she needs to tell me, she’ll have to. Because she knows that if I find out anything else, however small down the line, that’s it.
But for now it seems like things are trending i. The right direction.
