As a BH this resonates with me deeply. I just want to add that in all that I have read here, and elsewhere, the feelings of betrayal sting just as deeply for women and men. As a man what stings is if the world finds out the way your own wife treated you, you imagine yourself being in a weakened state and easy prey for other predators. But I imagine for a woman, the betrayal is so devastating because of, biologically and traditionally, how exposed and vulnerable it must feel to be betrayed by the one that is supposed to be the rock you cling to winding up just being weak sandstone that crumbles in your hands. To make a long story short, this is the one area in my life where I truly feel that men and women are exactly the same. I now view the world as us (betrayed women and men) and the %$#$^'s that put us in this situation. It's not fair, we did not ask for this, did not expect this therefore never even contemplated purchasing any kind of insurance to get us through this.
This was my second marriage, and as devastating as going through a divorce was, the cause was not infidelity and I'm friends with my ex-wife to this very day. It was tough the first 15 or so years however because I lost a lot of my savings and I was extremely bitter.
My partner (she's not my wife, maybe some day, but for the time being she lost that privilege) admitted to me that she cheated on her ex-husband with several men before I even met her in person. Huge red flags that I did not know enough to heed at the time. Knowing what I know now, I would have not pursued her the way I did. She's a manipulator, a liar, and a cheater. As for me, I am easily hoodwinked, starving for love and attention, and require external validation.
What's keeping us together is great sex and she's a hard worker running a business that supports our lifestyle that allowed me the opportunity to retire early. I guess I love her (if there was a lowercase form of love than normal lowercase I would use that.) I used to LOVE her. The thing is I don't like her. And I know that will draw the ire of a lot of folks here but I really don't care. She continues to either lie or hide behind her poor memory. We could be a lot better but she is so ashamed of the person that she is and the things that she did that she lies to this very day. And in exchange she no longer gets the best parts of me. Quid pro quo.
