SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was unsure if to post this story because it might be read in the wrong way depending on how you feel stuck right now, but I did mention it in another thread and I think it’s a warning to avoid doing something very stupid and unnecessarily pointless to stop the pain we feel when hit by infidelity.

The story I quoted:

— this caveat because just yesterday evening in the building next where I live, a BS just took the jump and ended or tried to end the pain that way. The WS is back being consoled by her AP right today. No idea if is alive and in coma or already passed, guess we’ll know in few days. I don’t miss the irony of it all laugh - ending your life doesn’t make a difference is just another insult to the victim, you get no justice, just a final injustice and your abusers are consequences free. live and thrive, don’t give up, is not worthy ! —

A neighbor decided that the pain was too unbearable and took a nosedive from the second floor.

He landed on grass for what I know so the paramedics were trying to reanimate them, unsure how it turned out yet, I think it’s likely over but no confirmation yet.

What is confirmed is that the daughter who was screaming and crying in the street yesterday is not home today, who is home is the Wayward finding solace within the arms of the AP.

This little sad story is to remind ourselves what is worth.

Our life. That’s an irreplaceable gift.

People who loves us. They do matter.

We matter.

People who hurt, betray and disrespect us do not.

If they don’t care about us as much they care about dopamine and validation highs, there is just about nothing that will move them away from the affair fog. They don’t care, narrative will be rewritten.

Ending your life (or attempting to, I still hope the neighbor will survive) won’t budge them. You get no justice. You get no empathy. The best you’re getting is a final insult while you pay the ultimate price.

For nothing.

This is never worthy it changes nothing, doesn’t end the pain it causes more to those who love you.

You and your life are worthy.

You deserve to reclaim it, not give it up because it was harmed by someone unworthy, with a disgusting accomplice.

Feel the pain and let it pass through, you will heal and you’ll be stronger. Happier.

That’s where the peace awaits you to reclaim it.

When you are hit by misery don’t let her win, don’t give her victory by caving in.

You are stronger.

And I believe in you.

[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 10:44 AM, Wednesday, June 17th]

it causes more to those who love you

can confirm.

One of my uncles jumped out of a window. A year or two after, his oldest son killed himself drunk driving. His youngest son kept getting in trouble and kicked out of schools…took him decades to straighten himself out. He got married and told me he would have no kids because he didn’t want to pass his genes on.

One daughter turned out great and has had a normal and happy life. The other daughter just kind of exited the family. I never really knew her, she was much older than me. I was probably 12 or 13 when this happened and she was probably in her late 20s. But from what I gather, after her brother died she moved away and didn’t try very hard to keep in touch with people.

Just a sad story for everyone involved.

I would like to think the wayward is devasted and feel gut wrenching guilt for the rest of their life... but I doubt it. People are monsters. Only take away I have is to hold tight to the few loyal and good ones around you.

Having witnessed a good friend who was married to a narcissist— I can imagine the pain betrayed spouses or partners feel.

When my good friend decided enough was enough and started Divorce proceedings, the Narcissistic serial cheater grew even more intense and threatened all types of bodily harm. Police involved, restraining orders, etc.

I don’t know how my friend survived it. When someone is out to ruin your life and does everything possible to make your day a living hell, I wonder how anyone can withstand that type of abuse.

I pray for people like us who survive these ordeals.

The one confirmed story of suicide I remember all my years here on SI was a Wayward wife who took her life after her husband (the BH who posted the story here) filed for divorce. As with all stories here on SI we can’t validate the truth in them, but that BH made the decision to divorce after careful consideration and seemed to enter that process understanding what to expect. He stopped posting a few weeks after her death, but I think the last posts on his thread were mainly focused on making him realize his decisions were not the cause for her death.

I don’t think a fear of self-harm should stop a person from whatever action they deem necessary to get out of infidelity. I do however think that we can attempt to wade through the mire of pain, dirt and malice infidelity can create with as much empathy, dignity and consideration as we can.

Actually, a WS's suicide was documented here, and I met the BS at a g2g. The BS was a very cool person whose ID I haven't seen here for almost 10 years. That BS was integrating the WS's suicide into life and moving on.

The WS probably wanted, in part, to make their BS feel guilty - taking poison and hoping another person would die. The other person seemed to be doing well, and I hope their life kept getting better and better.

The WS was probably despondent, too. I'm very sad that they didn't get the help they needed.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:35 PM, Friday, June 19th]

Bigger and Sisoon, during my first several months here I did a lot of digging. I read a lot of accounts here, including much older stories. When I sink my teeth into something I get quite obsessive about it. Infidelity has been my latest obsession for the last year. I've really thrown myself into this world, for better or worse.

Anyway, I'm almost certain I've read the story you guys are referencing. It was a massive 50 page thread with a follow up thread, IIRC. I read the whole thing. It involved a BS who had pretty much made up their mind that infidelity was a dealbreaker early on and ended their marriage. The WS didn't take it well at all and it ended in tragedy after a second attempt, I believe. It was a sad read, but the BS did eventually seem to move on with their life.

I've pored through these pages and read a lot. I got a lot of perspectives from many different types of betrayals. Some going back a decade or more. This site has a very rich, fascinating, and storied history. I've really learned a lot in my time here.

Bigger & sisoon, I don't remember the WW to whom you're referring. I do, however, remember a thread from an XBH posting about an OBS who took her own life. That thread has stuck with me all these years later. It was a truly heart wrenching story.

(I found that thread)

I could share a story from my own life about a dear friend who took her life after d-day. I'm not going to, however, because it's just too damned painful and I'm already fighting back the tears, even 20 years later.

I can say that I thought about it once. I didn't do it, in case you were wondering.

In all of my years here the one thing that never ceases to amaze me is just how hard infidelity hits people. Sometimes it hits people too hard.

I got very close to couple of times.

Sometimes I resisted it out of willpower and self preservation, other times it got too dark and if it wasn’t for my closest people that needed me then, I am not sure if I would not have taken the "easy way our" then.

I am happy I didn’t.
But the number of times I really wished I was dead is too many to be comfortable about counting them.

Still, no matter how the pain hurts, it’s not worthy.
It would never be worthy and would just add pain to pain and misery.

Life is and love for life is what can truly heal infidelity.

Not sure how this fits into the broad theme, but my mother committed suicide following multiple affairs my father engaged in, with one particular AP that was always hovering around us. I blamed him but kept it to myself because I had to live with him.
I better understand suicide now as an adult, knowing it's a combination of a lot of variables that are almost never tied to one external trigger. It's academic, however, because that connection is seared into my subconsciousness. Every time I look at him I feel a little animosity at his role in her deteriorating mental health even though I know intellectually it's not his "fault."
So, it not only ended my relationship with her, it killed my relationship with him.

I thought about it on d day (night).

I was home alone with only my dogs. In fact what stopped me in that moment was my dogs. I couldn't imagine what it'd do to them to hear the gunshot then be left all night with my dead body. Of all the reasons to not do it, looking at my dogs, who were concerned because they could tell I was extremely distressed, was the first main reason I didn't go to the closet and grab my Glock.

That was my immediate reason, then of course I thought of my son. He's an adult and out on his own, but he lives close by and I know that would have devastated him. I just couldn't go through with it.

You know, we watch a lot of true crime stories. The ones that show body cam and police interrogation footage. I'll bet at least half of the murders involve infidelity. At least half. Probably even more. There's always an affair partner and usually a fat insurance policy.

Infidelity is such a lovely thing.

My eldest sibling, 10 years my senior, committed suicide. The only person in my family that I was truly close to. I was devastated. The abusive spouse moved on and remarried in about a year. My terminally ill father ended his life about 6 years later. I can tell you that it denies surviving loved ones a proper grieving process, especially in my family where it was kept secret.

I considered it after D Day 1 but the thought of my mom going through it again and my child, a teenager at the time, having to go through it brought me to my senses. I don't know if I am fortunate or not but throughout my life I have become acquainted with suffering. I was an unwanted change of life baby, my parents were functional alcoholics and fought a lot, just shy of having the police called for domestic incidents. But they fought enough to fuck me up. My eldest sibling was an angel, very much like me. Sensitive, loved animals, and damaged enough to constantly wind up in abusive relationships. My surviving sibling, I do not like at all. But I am civil because it's what my mom wanted from me and I honor my mom's wishes.

After D Day 2, I was still in contact with my child, mom passed a few months prior. Part of me wishes that I had the courage to end it all, to end my misery. But from a very early age, I became acquainted with suffering. It was something like a freaky superpower.

D Day 2 changed everything about me. I realized I had spent the past 23 years with a truly damaged person. She is smart, charming, everybody loves her. If I told people what she did to me nobody would believe me, just like when I told my parents about how my sibling was abusing me I was not believed. So now I look at my life with curiosity. Why do I stay with someone that hurt me to the core? I think its because I learned to suffer. I love her, but honestly, I love my dogs more. I would be devastated if she became sick and God forbid died. But I used to love her, like really love her. I'm sure I did not show it as much as she would have liked. But I also know that even if I was perfect she would have resented me and still have done the things that she did anyway.

Every now and then I think that it might be nice to just finally end my suffering. My partner would be set financially, my adult child has estranged me because I was born during the baby boom, yeah that's my sin. I currently live far away from my former work colleagues and cousins. I doubt anyone would bother to come to mourn me. I would not leave a mess and would make plans to make it as easy as possible for my partner. But then I just say, nah, not today Satan.

I've some pretty far, but there is a lot of room left for improvement. I don't go to church anymore, but I pray. I pray a lot, maybe not the ways others do, but my self talk has switched, most days, to communicating with God and seeking understanding of what has happened to me throughout my life, and I ask for forgiveness for the times that I have willfully said cruel things to some folks, particularly when I used to abuse alcohol over 30 years ago.

I will not end my life. Of that I am confident, more than ever. If I had a fireplace, the I would proudly display the trophies I won for my suffering. Well, not the suffering, but the surviving part. Not just surviving but the strides I have made, since D Day 2, to be a good person, to be generous, and to be compassionate. I don't put up with bullshit anymore and don't tolerate being treated badly like I used to. I'll score these as my greatest wins.

Survival is good.

I like your strength won.

It’s a big win you only see wasn’t celebrated because we focused on the pain of loss then.

But is indeed cool