SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This worries me as I think it means I'll never get over it but my therapist said we have to work on it as this thinking, dwelling and ruminating will ruin my future with or without my husband

This made me stop and think b/c o over analyze everything (which is why I am so good at my job b/c I look for loopholes and things mist people would never consider). And I have a plan for it.

I think it’s ok to dwell on the trauma and pain etc as you process what happened. Isn’t that part of acceptance and healing? It just happened. I can tell you I was in a similar cycle for 3 years — disbelief he was kicking me to the curb, panic at being w/out his income, terror at what the future could be.

But I was confident I would survive it and be ok because I planned for it from the second he announced he wanted a D. Looking back I over thought things and analyzed every option and contingency plan lol.

It’s why I am confident today (more than I ever was). I survived the worst. Still standing.

And I hope the same for you too evio.

1st wife ..my therapist also says the overthinking is a childhood trauma response that kept me safe...I always seem to plan for the worst to happen. I am currently studying and got the bulk of my dissertation done last year's months ahead of schedule as I'm used to things going wrong (COVID, kids injuries, illnesses etc) however, I want expected to bit blown away by betrayal trauma! But I guess I already had my ducks in a row before so I guess that's one bonus 😆

I hope I can get over it, hopefully with my husband, but even if it's alone ...I just want to enjoy my life again - we get one shot, one precious life, and I'm sad and angry Im having to waste my precious time healing from something I didn't deserve 😞 ...I better come out of this like a titanium cored, teflon coated yogi who is indestructible 😆

I concur with 1st wife I think rumination is natural after infidelity because it creates trauma to the brain.

I too have had problems with rumination. And I have worked through most of it. (Well I can still get on one but it’s usually short lived)

But it doesn’t sound like to me that your therapist really gets this is new trauma. It does probably trigger old trauma and of coping mechanisms but you are also in fight or flight. I might try a different therapist in your shoes.