SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I agree with 1st wife. AI is made for a situation like this.
As a woman I automatically think anything on screen that causes a male to be aroused is porn…unless a car crash, or a gun fight, does.
It is not art. It’s depravity disguised as art, and I am not a prude. I just feel like objectifying women has been the go to in movies for a very long time. I think Europe has enough directors who can make a very sensitive, well thought out movie, without his wife, having to do something that he feels this threatened by.

Bud, I don't think that you are prepared for what she's about to do

Can you elaborate?

So let's say in the middle of shooting you are having a very hard time dealing with it and it's causing some major problems for you, what is the solution? Let's say you communicate your problems to her and now she is stuck between a rock and a hard place which may negatively affect her ability to act

She's already been contracted and if she backs out I'm sure there are significant ramifications including financially but more importantly is the possibility of having
issues with it forever

Honestly, I don't know how I'll feel during the shooting days or after it's all over. Maybe I'll be able to ignore it like I did with her previous kissing scenes, or maybe every time I think about it, it'll hurt. I genuinely don't know whether I'll be okay within a week, a month, or even a year.

I think we need to have multiple honest conversations both between ourselves and with our therapist—before signing the movie. We need to figure out what we'll do if I find it emotionally difficult during her shooting days. I don't want to wait until I'm already struggling to think about solutions.

Can we find a middle ground that protects my mental health while also supporting her career? I believe there has to be a way. Her reassurance means everything to me. More than anything, I need to feel secure that I'm still her love and that what we have is far more meaningful than anything that happens on set.

I'm not saying I'm afraid she'll have an affair or leave me—that's not even my concern. I trust her. What I'm struggling with is my jealousy. I know her co-lead is a good-looking man, and he'll get to experience moments with her that I've only ever shared with her. That's what hurts.

At the same time, I understand that the chances of anything romantic actually developing are extremely small. There will be 10–15 people on set, everything will be carefully choreographed, and in many ways, it'll probably be even more difficult for her than it is for me.

I think the only way I can truly be okay is if, deep down, I continue to feel that I'm her love, her partner, and that nothing filmed for a movie could ever compare to the life we've built together over the past 28 years. I need her reassurance to help me hold on to that.

I'm not going to watch those scenes. And I do have one request: I hope this is the first and last time she ever chooses to do a nude scene. I'm not trying to control her decisions I respect that it's her career. But I also know my own limits, and I don't think I could handle going through this over and over again without it affecting my mental health.

I'm in a similar "cards fall where they may" attitude when I say what I'm saying. I wouldn't want to say no to a legitimate opportunity. If it was too much for me to cope with, then I would break up. But I'm sure not going to control my wife's professional or artistic expression and end up divorced because she resents me

I agree with you. There are just as many reasons for me to say yes as there are to say no. If I simply say no, I'll probably feel selfish and guilty, especially because she gave me the space to be honest about what I truly want.

She's a professional actress, and this is part of her profession. To her, it's work. I also believe it's a well-written role in a good film, and I understand why this opportunity matters.

If I say no, will it break our marriage? No. Our relationship isn't so fragile that one movie could destroy it. But I also know that I could end up with an unhappy wife who, even if she never says it out loud, might secretly resent me for taking away an opportunity that we both know is significant.

On the other hand, if I say yes, I know it will affect my mental health. It will hurt, and I won't pretend otherwise. But I'm also certain that I'm not going to end our marriage because of it. I know my wife will stand by me, and I believe we'll work through it together.

What gives me hope is that before I even gave my answer, she had already started thinking about ways to help me if I said yes. That means a lot to me. We've already had two long, honest conversations, and not once did she dismiss or suppress my emotions. She acknowledged my feelings, validated them, and promised that we'd do everything possible to make sure we'd be okay. In the end, she even gave me veto power. That showed me how much she respects both me and our relationship.

At the same time, this decision isn't only about the two of us. We also have to think about our kids. Their mental health, emotional well-being, and the impact this could have on them are just as important. Whatever decision we make should protect not only our marriage but also our family as a whole.

With all this AI available I am not sure why these scenes cannot be created digitally thereby avoiding the need for "real sex"

This is actually a good idea. If AI, body doubles, or other filmmaking techniques are genuine options, I'd like to discuss them with hNy wife and the director if they're open to it

If those options can achieve the director's vision while reducing the emotional impact on both of us, they could solve a lot of problems. Of course, I also understand that I don't know what the director's creative vision is or whether those alternatives would work for the film. It's something worth discussing respectfully before making any final decision